[ thing is, he knows what 'closet case' means, and he knows acutely how easily that could have been plastered onto his file, and after staring at said file and drinking himself into oblivion for a while, and then getting frustrated over how much it even bothered him at all, it just feels better to make someone else deal with his problem. If it were Jack someone was doing this too, he'd be halfway to stabbing them right now.
[And Simon—well, let's say he's spent a lot of time staring at that file, with his head in his hands. It's all terribly private, and some of it he's not sure how they knew, and he's hidden it all since he was eighteen.
The sharks were good for his perspective, and he's told himself it doesn't matter here. But clearly it does matter.]
If you think that file is an objective description of me, I can't stop you filling up my inbox. It's your afternoon, and it's apt to be a very long one. Go wild.
I think yours is about as objective as mine is, meaning they're taking the bits and pieces you don't want seen out and painting them as frankly as possible, like a goddamn medical evaluation.
[ 2/2 ]
As if you're not fucking terrified that some part of why you buried it back home is going to seep through here. Too late to cover it back up now.
[and, shortly afterward, another message. He is not terrified. Except he really is; he feels desperately exposed.
And what do exposed animals do? They attack.]
You know, given your own file, I'm surprised _that_ was the element you picked on. Perhaps it seemed an easy target? I would have asked about the ruling class business.
[ He knows those in high places have secrets they can't afford to expose. He knows he couldn't so much as breathe that he'd rather kiss boys than girls, because for a King, it was impossible. It was a disgrace. Wrestle it down, numb it with ice. 'You cannot be what God made you, not if you mean to take my place'.
He knows keeping that secret damned him and the only person he'd actually loved. ]
I want to know about you, Simon. I want to know what makes you so desperate.
[Simon thinks for a very long time before he replies, and that delay will give the lie to the casualness of what he sends. And even then, it's not a confession but another attack.
He's not ashamed of himself; he won't be, no matter what's in his past. He's not ashamed of Yuki; he'd die first. But it always gets so complicated when people know. And Yuki had insisted, and Simon had made him a promise. Nobody needs to know, Simon. It's just the two of us, right? It's special.]
I'm not desperate. Far from it. If you were hoping to distract yourself this evening, you'll have to look elsewhere.
Whatever you're hiding is no concern of mine. [And yet... people do know. It's obvious, right there in public. And what is Simon going to do about it?]
[ Most of life is a rat race, it just is depending on what the topic is. But alright, he's done what damage he could here, and they'll be going in circles soon, so Jack'll move on. Well, almost all the damage he could. ]
Alright. Well, if you end up needing to talk to someone about how badly you don't want anyone to know you fuck men, I'm here for you, Simon.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Your file's not exactly uninteresting, by the way. "Emotionally unstable". Gosh.
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Whoever wrote yours wasn't crystal clear. I just want equal opportunity to pass judgement.
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[Tough crowd, wow. And he is interested, but not at that price.]
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[ thing is, he knows what 'closet case' means, and he knows acutely how easily that could have been plastered onto his file, and after staring at said file and drinking himself into oblivion for a while, and then getting frustrated over how much it even bothered him at all, it just feels better to make someone else deal with his problem. If it were Jack someone was doing this too, he'd be halfway to stabbing them right now.
Emotionally unstable indeed. ]
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The sharks were good for his perspective, and he's told himself it doesn't matter here. But clearly it does matter.]
If you think that file is an objective description of me, I can't stop you filling up my inbox. It's your afternoon, and it's apt to be a very long one. Go wild.
CRYING IM SO SORRY FOR HIM
[ 2/2 ]
As if you're not fucking terrified that some part of why you buried it back home is going to seep through here. Too late to cover it back up now.
*never be sorry*
[and, shortly afterward, another message. He is not terrified. Except he really is; he feels desperately exposed.
And what do exposed animals do? They attack.]
You know, given your own file, I'm surprised _that_ was the element you picked on. Perhaps it seemed an easy target? I would have asked about the ruling class business.
But you know how it is.
sob oki ;;;;
[ He knows those in high places have secrets they can't afford to expose. He knows he couldn't so much as breathe that he'd rather kiss boys than girls, because for a King, it was impossible. It was a disgrace. Wrestle it down, numb it with ice. 'You cannot be what God made you, not if you mean to take my place'.
He knows keeping that secret damned him and the only person he'd actually loved. ]
I want to know about you, Simon. I want to know what makes you so desperate.
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He's not ashamed of himself; he won't be, no matter what's in his past. He's not ashamed of Yuki; he'd die first. But it always gets so complicated when people know. And Yuki had insisted, and Simon had made him a promise. Nobody needs to know, Simon. It's just the two of us, right? It's special.]
I'm not desperate. Far from it. If you were hoping to distract yourself this evening, you'll have to look elsewhere.
Whatever you're hiding is no concern of mine. [And yet... people do know. It's obvious, right there in public. And what is Simon going to do about it?]
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[ Most of life is a rat race, it just is depending on what the topic is. But alright, he's done what damage he could here, and they'll be going in circles soon, so Jack'll move on. Well, almost all the damage he could. ]
Alright. Well, if you end up needing to talk to someone about how badly you don't want anyone to know you fuck men, I'm here for you, Simon.
[ :'| oops ]
Have a nice night.
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Likewise, I'm sure. Do contact me when you eventually need advice.